Internet relationships are not real relationships

I can't believe I've avoided meeting people on the internet for so long. It's a treasure trove of comedy. Cases in point:

1. The guy who says he's 27 but is clearly barely 21 who shows up wearing a pleather jacket then loudly slurps his beer and laughs like he's exploding every few minutes at nothing in particular

2. The guy who has one normal hand and one with incredibly long fingernails which he says he leaves grown out like that for "playing the guitar" but who is probably in some kind of vampire or Wolverine club

3. The guy who seems pretty normal yet never looks at me when he's talking, like he needs to be staring at a wall or the sky in order to concentrate on forming sentences.

To be fair, I'm not exactly the picture of coolness and social grace either. E.g.:

1. I always spill something--ice cream on my shirt, beer on my pants, water on the table, etc.

2. I laugh at my own bad jokes and then make fun of myself for laughing at my own jokes and then laugh at myself for pointing out that I laugh at myself.

3. On three out of four outings, I've ended up talking about Darrell.